Ok, I admit, the title of this blog - "Playing DARPA in the Tranhumanist Scrapbook of Mon(ster)santo" - reflects my profound personal confusion over where to file this one. Do I file it under the apocalyptic absurdist arabesques of DARPA, or do I file it under the galloping goofiness of transhumanism, or ascribe it to the latest corporate witchcraft and government-bribing sorcery of "agribusiness"?
I admit, I'm at a complete loss, so perhaps you can help me. Where would you file this?:
Now, you can readily imagine the nice clean green orgasms this is already producing among certain globaloneyists on the internet. I won't mention who, but already an electronic blogging service associated with a major American "institution of higher learning" is already touting the wonderful green benefits to the planet of glow-in-the-dark plants for curbing electricity use, and thereby cutting down on carbon emissions, this curbing that wonderfully chameleon-like meme of "climate change" and thus saving the planet.
All hail the glow-in-the-dark plant.
Maybe that's why the EU wants to criminalize people not registering their petunias and begonias, I don't know.
I read this, and both laughed, and shook my head, in disbelief. The articles on this subject struck me as nothing less than a kind of a posteriori scenario: first, the mad scientists, looking for something to do, decided to fool around and invent glow-in-the-dark plants, consuming a few years, and generating some grant-driven income in the process. Having been successful, they then searched for a moral justification for the colossal waste of time and money that their silliness consumed, and came up with saving electricity, environmental friendliness, and all the other usual insanity that delights the cockles of a Rockefailure Rottenchild Bilderberg artificial heart.
So I incorporated this into my usual end-of-day ritual, where I go to bed ca 3-4AM, and spend an hour or two in bed, either winding down the day's business on my laptop, or maybe reading a bit of a book. How would this work? Ok...I carry my glow-in-the-dark petunia pot into my bedroom(these are the special Power Petunias that I bought on a sale at URA-Target), I curl up with a good book about illuminati state-sponsored terrorism through the millennia, and gradually my eyes droop and I reach over to find the switch...
... oops. No switch. There's no switch to turn my Power Petunias off or on. In fact, the darned things glow all night. I stay awake, I toss and turn. No good.
I take the damned petunias into the bathroom and shut the door, but I notice my bones glowing through my hands like at an a-bomb test. The phone rings; it's my neighbor. Could I please buy a lead pot or a NASA thermal blanket for my petunias to cover them at night? They're keeping her awake all night. The next morning, I take my power petunias to the dumpster; there's a warning label that says no dumping of power plants or other radioactive materials under penalty of a $250,000 fine and three years in prison. There's a security camera there to take my picture and reinforce the point. I hold up my pot of power petunias, smile, and wave at the camera.
That afternoon, I walk to my mailbox; there's a notice from the Department of Energy: I have thirty days left to obtain my nuclear power license for raising petunias. There's another letter from the EPPA (Environmental Petunia Protection Agency) warning me I must register my petunias after having them tested for radiation safety levels, before I can get a nuclear power license to grow them.
...and in spite of all of this, no on-off switch.
Nope, folks, this is not just another bad idea, it's just a silly one, but it's a marvelous reminder of how grand science can be, and what wonderful visions of the future scientists and globaloneyists have...
See you on the flip side.