June 18, 2019 By Joseph P. Farrell

Yes, you read that headline correctly. An institution of "high learning"  in Amairikuhn quackademia has decided that menstrual equality needs to be promoted on its campus(note, I said "high", not "higher", because I strongly suspect the people behind this idea - and I'm using the term "people" loosely here - were high when they proposed it). And, lest one leap to what would be under normal circumstances a rational conclusion and believe that this is happening in some explosion of bloviation at Harvard square, the Rockefailure University of Chicago, or the quackademies of Nuttyfornia, think again, for not to be outdone in edublithering lunacy, a quackademy in the Amairikuhn heartland has decided that the absence of access to menstruation products in men's lavatories could, in fact, be construed as an offense and injustice to transgendered women using the men's restrooms on the campus of the "University" of Arkansas' Fayetteville campus, according to this story shared by K.M.:

Yes, you are permitted to do a double-take and read that one again:

(The University of Arkansas) currently uses coin-only dispensaries -- mostly in women's restrooms...

Uhmmmm... er... at the risk of exposing my white male patriarchal privilege, I have to ask, where else would one expect them to be located? Oh, I forgot: it's ok now to use whichever bathroom of which ever sex you feel more inclined to "being" on any particular day. My bad; mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

-- which ASG says further limits access to menstrual hygiene.

(Associated Student Government) said 86 percent of individuals experience an unexpected need for menstrual hygiene management (MHM), and having only women's restrooms outfitted with tampons is unequal and limits the ability of members of the transgender community to safely and easily access MHM on-demand.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Being a rational man or woman you're probably thinking that this means that the campus, in order to make this nuttery "completely equal", will inevitably have to distribute condoms or other "men's health products" in women's restrooms to accommodate transitioning transgendered males. That may indeed be the case, but if so, it would only be a sign that the "University" of Arkansas has only progressed as far as the now rabidly traditional and ultra-right-wing conservatism of nth-wave feminism. (I say nth-wave feminism because I long ago lost count of which wave of feminism the culture was surfing. I lost count somewhere between the Margaret Court-Bobby Riggs tennis court confrontation and the Billy Jean King-Bobby Riggs tennis court confrontation. And to be honest, I lost count because I lost interest because it was clear where all this nonsense was heading.  One does wonder how those confrontations may have gone if, perhaps, rather than Bobby Riggs, the men were represented by Rod Laver or Bjorn Borg, but I digress.)  The problem with that analysis is of course that the placement of condoms or "men's health products" in women's restrooms would be an obvious imposition not only of dreaded patriarchy within a female safe space, but a further manifestation of the continuing and insidious disguised presence of patriarchy and female repression.  In order to truly address the Rampant Inequality Caused by the Patriarchy, it would be better to ban all public men's restrooms completely, and convert the ones currently in the infrastructure to women's bathrooms. During the difficulties and dislocations of the Transition Period to Full Equality, men could, of course, use these facilities if they paid a small "men's user fee". A government bureaucracy can be set up for this purpose next to the Clinton Library in Little Rock, and over time, those fees can be gradually raised in order to prevent men from displaying patriarchal privilege and utilizing public restrooms. The benefit of this plan will, of course, force men, whose flatulence is helping create climate change, from eating so much, and confining themselves to urinate, defecate, and flatulate in the privacy of their own homes, or at least move to San Franfreakshow, Nuttyfornia where they can do so on the streets and sidewalks. We can, of course, force compliance by confiscating their homes after installing Elimination Smart Meters. If they are not compliant, these homes can be seized and turned over to the Dreamers, who truly deserve it.

See? Problem solved. We are, after all, the Shining City on a Hill and The Indispensable, Exceptional Nation.


All satire and sarcasm aside, this nonsense has to end, and soon, because it is nothing less than an nihilistic assault on men and women, on maleness and femaleness, that is to say, on our humanity.

See you on the flip side...