A FANFARE PLEASE, FOR THE NEXT CRYPTO-CURRENCY CANARDMay 16, 2018
If you're a regular reader here, you'll know that there are two new religions (perhaps cults would be a better word), that I'm just not a follower of: Q-anon, and crypto-currencies. In the former, we don't even know who the cult leader is (or are), but if you pop in to check it out from time to time as I do, you'll know that every day on YouTube, there are people eagerly dissecting every jot and tittle of the latest oracles like mediaeval rabbis pouring over the Talmud. It's even worse with crypto-currencies, for there we were assured, with an almost religious fanaticism, that when they were rolled out we were looking at "the solution" to central banking. While the fanfares were blaring, no one seemed to have noticed that the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street (that's the Bank of England's nickname, for those of you who may be unaware), announced it was looking into gold-backed crypto-currencies.
Following this announcement, there was a bit of puzzled elation among the faithful, as the latest mystery of the faith was explained as yet another solution to the problem of fiat monetized debt. Why, with gold backing of "Noidcoin"TM or "Nullvalue" TM or "Voidblip" TM (or whatever crypto-currency was the focus of the day), we were assured that a finite amount of gold (or whatever) backing a finite amount of "Voidblips"TM, the central bankers were really in for it. The "puzzled" part of this "puzzled elation" on the part of the faithful was probably due to the fact that, somewhere underneath the litanies of benefits of crypto-currencies, a little part of the mind was probably saying, "Yes, but, how much gold is there? How do we know they're not lying? And for that matter, how does an obfuscated amount of gold back a 'Voidblip'TM which itself is on a distributed ledger?" and so on and so on. In short, it always struck me as a central bankster's dream come true, and when the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street got in on the act, that was, as far as I was concerned, "proof of concept." Since then of course, various stories of hacked crypto-currencies and intelligence agency involvement have come and gone, with little to no protest from the faithful. "Aid the surveillance state; invest in 'Voidblip.'TM" Yawn. "Yea, sure... I'm a patriot."
But anyway, to return to my main point: "Backed" crypto-currencies then became the new memetic focus of the cult. It was almost like we were looking at "ordinary" (the general crypto-currency text), and "propers" (the special text to be inserted in the ordinary, depending on the moveable feast or saint's day in the liturgical calendar). "Backed crypto-currencies" were a kind of season, like the Trinity season in the liturgical calendar; there was lots of time to fill, so we'll fill it by talking about something few of us understand, and we'll do so for about three months.
Well, we seem to have come around, again, to "Backed crypto-currency" season on the crypto-liturgical calendar, so, a fanfare please, for this discovery shared by Ms. K.W.:
As Ms. K.W. put it in her email to me when she shared this site, "Genecoin has so many perfect layers of crazy, I wondered at first if it was an Onion production." Indeed, there are "so many perfect layers of crazy" in this that I don't know where to start. Consider this statement, also on the home page of the site:
Genecoin samples your DNA, turns it into data, and stores it in the world's most powerful supercomputer: the Bitcoin network.
Humans currently preserve their genes by passing them down across generations. This is an incredible, but utimately unreliable backup method. We etch your DNA into culture's most indestructible form: money itself.
There you have it: now you can spread your DNA around the world, not the "old-fashioned way", but by spending money...er.. pardon me, by spending crypto-currency. One wonders, is this some sort of banksters' plot to get rid of sex? I know it sounds totally crazy, but after all, we're dealing with an "elite" that really is completely nuts and barbaric and brutal in any number of ways.
And speaking of barbaric and brutal, and on the serious side of high octane speculation: Suppose, for a moment, you were part of a diabolical cabal, and that you wanted to collateralize humanity itself. Suppose, too, your goal was to track every financial transaction the little monkeys made(exempting yourself and your fellow plotters, of course; you'll continue to transact with actual media of exchange and not insecure cyber systems), and thus to introduce a cashless society, based on a finite amount of VoidblipsTM (that is perfectly condign to your mantra of "sustainable development" and other closed physics-closed financial systems ideas you've got bouncing around in your dastardly Malthusian hyper-dimensional noggin). Well, you have to back up your currency with something: why not the DNA of individuals itself, which can thus function as the collateral of the system, but also as the password access to your vaunted blockchain and "distributed ledgers."
Sure. We'll let you transact. Just give us your DNA. In return, we'll give you this handy cyber-implant chip, that will allow you (and us) to transact anywhere, any time. You don't even need an i-pad.
The catch that they will probably put in the (very) fine (barely readable) print that, on rare occasions, in order to fulfill their obligations, they might have to terminate you and harvest your organs.
Not to worry though, they can always clone you...
Searching for that perfect mate? We found the perfect DNA for you, and it's not very expensive.
See you on the flip side...