It's been a long time since I have ranted about the abysmal state of the Amairkuhn quackademy, and we're long overdue. Fortunately Mr. B. sent along the following article, and I thought, "At last, something to rant about!" but then I read the article, and I don't know whether to laugh, rant, or cry. Perhaps after I wipe the tears from my eyes and recover from my uproarious laughter, I will be able to cobble together some serious rage for a rant.

So far it's not working.

This is why:

'Tree-###ging?' Prof Touts "Ecosexuality" As An "Environmental Activist Strategy"


Doubtless, you being a normal rational person, are wondering what in the name of sense "ecosexuality" is. Well, I read the whole article, and my sides still hurt from my laughter, and I still don't know what "ecosexuality" is, nor whether or not I'm supposed to care. Well, I supposed this could be understood as an attempt at clarification:

Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies professor Lauran Whitworth wrote “Goodbye Gauley Mountain, hello eco-camp: Queer environmentalism in the Anthropocene,” a study which seeks to convey the “effectiveness of queer environmental ethics in the Anthropocene, a word increasingly used to describe the anthropogenic destruction of ecosystems that marks our current geological era.” The academic journal Feminist Theory published the article.

“What do ecosexual encounters with nonhuman nature offer current discussions of environmental ethics?” she asks.

“Can ecosexuality’s posthumanist tendencies queer our speciesist modes of belonging and foster an environmentalism that is not foundationally anthropocentric nor steeped in ‘reproductive futurism’?”

"Why, yes they can!" I thought. You see, through my recent practice of enviroblitheration, a heuristic but pre-hermeutical technique of concentrated mental pretzelation, I've recently contacted my inner nitwittery, and we're making great strides in extending my consciousness. (Please note the correct term is "extended" consciousness, rather than "raised" consciousness, as the latter term is indicative of the upwardist biases inherent in the current patriarchalist narrative, which seeks to deny other expressions of psychodirectionality.) This has resulted in some stunning new perceptions and self-awareness, because in spite of my outward appearance as a white male, the ante-exegetical gymnastoneurations of enviroblitheration have convinced me that I am an oak tree, deeply rooted in the sensate greening order of the femminonurturesphere.

Armed with this new and authentic insight into the arboretum, I read on:

On their website, Whitworth notes, Stephens and Sprinkle give multiple definitions of “ecosexual,” ranging from “a person that finds nature sensual, sexy” or “takes the Earth as their lover” to “an environmental activist strategy.”

“Whereas some environmentalists expend their energy making human intercourse more earth-friendly” by promoting environmentally-friendly sex items such as chemical-free lubricants and fair trade condoms, Whitworth points out that “many ecosexuals encourage erotic encounters that are not just nature-friendly but with nature itself.”

She explains, at length, one “ecosexual” sexual encounter that Sprinkle had with a redwood tree at Yosemite National Park, as initially reported by Breitbart News.

“I loved the scent of the trunk, like vanilla mixed with soil,” Sprinkle says.

“I have a strong memory of coming across a redwood that had fallen over from a storm. I walked around off the trail and peeked at its freshly exposed roots. So soft, so sensuous, so sexy! I had to touch them.”

Well, you can imagine my shock and outrage at this blatant attempt to mysandrize the authentic chlorophyllactic expressions of my post-rational post-modern arboretum, and resubject them to the incipient gynocracy of the hypergamous hermeneutical template! While I cannot presume to speak for all oak trees, I can say, for those of us in my immediate contextual intertwined Gaiastic rootedness, we regarded this as a self-evident and obvious attempt to regulate and redistribute our minimal daily requirement of sunlight and femmobabble. We were, are, and shall remain, outraged. Our ecoconsensus led us to conclude (in a pre-rational and proto-exegetical way, needless to say) that Whitworth's article was premised on the incipenient protoperennial bias of evergreenism, and that for justice and equality to be truly and authentically served, redistribution of sunlight absorbed by perennials must be equitably redistributed in an aggressive program of affirmosolaraction to non-perennials in an authentic effort to combat the heritage of societal and cultural evergreenism and promote the oppressed phyla of arboria, which do not have the advantages of greening during periods of temporal shifts in the ambient thermal gradient, to promote genuine enviroequality.

In the meantime, we have concluded that, because of its obvious and blatant antiperennialism, the readers should think twice - in a proto-hermeneutical non-exegetical way, free of all entanglements with the hypergamous gynocratic narratives of evergreenism and its insidious offshoots (pineconeism, needlememeism, &c.) - before sending their biogenetic saplings to this institooshun of the Amairikuhn quackademy.

It's yet another one you can cross off the list.

See you on the flip side...



Joseph P. Farrell

Joseph P. Farrell has a doctorate in patristics from the University of Oxford, and pursues research in physics, alternative history and science, and "strange stuff". His book The Giza DeathStar, for which the Giza Community is named, was published in the spring of 2002, and was his first venture into "alternative history and science".


  1. Reno on September 11, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    In NYC 30% is good enough to pass a HS math regent as many teachers near retirement are harassed because they are too expensive to keep.

    • Reno on September 11, 2018 at 8:06 pm

      Also a lot of new teachers are rushing to get “administration” graduate ED degrees as they know as classroom teachers their necks may eventually wind up in the noose.

  2. Gaia Mars-hall on September 11, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    The old line used to be “like nuns in a cucumber patch”…….

  3. Scarmoge on September 11, 2018 at 12:53 pm

    Ooops … misspelling in title … Selebrait should be Selahbraight. 🙂

    • Scarmoge on September 11, 2018 at 1:11 pm

      Oh WOW! Sorry about that … should be Sellahbraight. I forgot the second “l”.
      Whew! This Nominalism thing is wearing me out. 🙂
      Also in a related note … a little education humor. Brian Regan – Brian Regan Live. Especially the cuts Hooked on Phonix and Stupid in School

  4. Richard on September 11, 2018 at 12:23 am

    . . . “Ecosexuality,” eh? . . Not so fast. . . One hasn’t figured out what different-strokes-for-different-folks was supposed to be, only that it keeps changing. . .

    . . . One is beginning to ponder the notion that something of an adversity, that the human psyche of those indicated, resulted in their exposure of a colourless, odorless, tasteless, and definitely in the presumptive fresh drinking water that was drunk and was not the usual spirits many are familiar. . . The originator of that portmanteau [ecosexuality] might have done worse, I suppose, to come up with an entirely new term to add to the lexicon instead of yet another term of merging, coupling, union, on and on and on. . .

    . . . I suspect that there is more of an aspect of Aromatherapy or Essential Oil therapy suggested that the article hints at. . . The odiferous sensory apparatus (sense of smell) is one of the oldest, if not the oldest sensory apparatus known to humankind and has a most profound effect on the individual from birth onward. . .

    . . . Although, one has heard of the euphoria attained by Alchemy Spinning – Dancing or by the Sufi Whirling Dervishes of the Mevlevi Order, of Istanbul as well as that monophonic Gregorian Chanting that Singing Monks do during the course of their day. . . These two are not the only activities that stimulate a mindfulness to a similar euphoric level by the practitioners. . . Some musical instruments have a similar stimulating effect on the respective player of the instrument. . . Songs and melodies do so also. . .

    . . . Hugging and straddling a tree does seem a bit awkward to attain a euphoric response, but so does spinning round and round without falling down dizzy. . . Then there’s that ‘different-strokes-for-different-folks thing. . And, ““Is someone actually writing a paper on this old thing of the nose and odiferous sense, but with a “queer” twist?””. .

  5. zendogbreath on September 10, 2018 at 10:43 pm

    ah ya can’t fool me. vomito blanco is back.

    if he’s not, someone needs to email him this post. anyone?

    this is all too good. cleve baxter is chuckling now. even though lie detectors have proven to be a scam technology, the tests he ran on plants make me wonder how a tree (especially a dying or dead uprooted tree) says “wtf, get off me will ya?” or just plain “ew?”

    btw where was the bear in the woods here?

    reminds me. one of my first days working in an alternative highschool (emotionally disordered now – behaviorally disordered back then) a 14 year old blond beauty with a politically correct 8+ month old bun in the oven yelled at me in the middle of a class “if a man says something in the woods and there’s no woman to hear him, is he still stupid?” i had no idea what the supervising teacher (a 65 year old retired catholic school principal) wanted of me. i stood there and waited. “YES!!!” she screamed. I quietly agreed “of course” and we all went back to work.

    • zendogbreath on September 10, 2018 at 11:08 pm

      apparently this post got under my skin – someone send this woman a link to timothy treadwell eh?


    • Robert Barricklow on September 11, 2018 at 12:34 am

      I was just thinking of Blanco & Frankie recently.
      Miss their posts.

  6. Harvey's Barn on September 10, 2018 at 9:46 pm

    Idiots and perverts justifying their idiotic perversions.
    Primal Murmer: HAHAHA.

  7. duncan mckean on September 10, 2018 at 9:31 pm

    Somebody get this story to Trey Parker and Matt Stone..

  8. Lost on September 10, 2018 at 8:33 pm

    The idea of a fecund landscape is hardly new, though contemporary descriptions are usually badly written and assume a primacy of thought that simply isn’t valid.

    See much of what Viktor Schauberger wrote about forests, or see the feminized (human) landscape used as the cover art for Ross Lockridge’s novel “Raintree County”. (Originally published in 1948 but the trade paperback from the mid-1990s used the same cover art.)

  9. Lost on September 10, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    The idea of a fecund landscape is hardly new, though contemporary descriptions are usually badly written and assume a primacy of thought that simply isn’t valid.

    See much of what Viktor Schauberger wrote about forests, or see the feminined (human) landscape used as the cover art for Ross Lockridge’s novel “Raintree County”. (Originally published in 1948 but the trade paperback from the mid-1990s used the same cover art.)

  10. goshawks on September 10, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    Assuming the article writers are not (just) nitwits, I could see some serious ‘agenda’ items at work: First, the trashing of the hippy mindset (to the ordinary, at-sleep person). Reading this trash, younger folks would blackwash the entire hippy mindset (including “don’t trust those in Power”). Second, to drop into the Miles Mathis mindset, there is a long-running intel agenda labeled by them as “Project Chaos.” This project’s aim is to undermine everything. Once you do not know where you stand in anything, you become powerless. Plus, with all the old ‘labels’ stripped-away or recast (<gay used to mean super-jolly), your mind has been spun and you are much more suggestible.

    I take ‘articles’ like these as possibly really stupid or, much more malignantly, really brilliant…

    • zendogbreath on September 10, 2018 at 10:59 pm

      yep. gots me thinking of jordan peterson and bret weinstein and similar folk being attacked by antifreespeechifying triggered leftists. apparently peterson’s old mentor former friend bernard schiff has placed a stick up the other stick that was already up his own butt because peterson is weedling his way into our hearts by speaking obvious truths to appease us and lull us to sleep so that he can become the next global monster dictator. wonder if this womyn would consider being his running mate when he takes over from trudeau?

  11. RBG Santa Monica on September 10, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    Reminds me of the song “The Trees” by the rock band Rush. It begins “There is unrest in the forest, there is trouble with the trees. . . The maples scream ‘oppression’, and the oaks ignore their pleas”.

    • justawhoaman on September 10, 2018 at 7:16 pm

      This definitely makes me want to push the “like” button!

  12. Neru on September 10, 2018 at 2:13 pm

    I always loved the scene of walking and fighting Ents and trees in the Lord of the Rings.
    Now nature has cause to do so so with this craziness maybe I will see it in my lifetime!

  13. Katie B on September 10, 2018 at 12:16 pm

    The tree is probably more masculine than the soya professors. I was talking to one such open sandled soya professor at the weekend. He wanted a world with no borders, no national pride but that we be split into regions again, i.e mercia etc. Hmmm, how will that work? Double think much? Critical intellect? It’s all a bit like stockholm syndrome isn’t it. We have these weak willed fools running the show and if you point out the emperor’s new clothes to them, they run off crying.

  14. guitardave on September 10, 2018 at 11:37 am

    … dead trees?…… better keep that woman away from my guitar…..shes probably a
    neck-romancer too!

    • zendogbreath on September 10, 2018 at 10:52 pm

      ha. don’t fret it dave. she’s probably into electrics anyway. you know – whammy bars and pickups?

      • guitardave on September 11, 2018 at 6:51 am

        Thank you, zen….i was hoping someone would bite and “run with the pun”….nothing like a good laugh with the AM coffee…one more…she must really be into “roots rock”….

  15. Robert Barricklow on September 10, 2018 at 11:27 am

    This makes a mockery of an awakening occurring in some living beings that are & have been communicating with plants.. A couple of years ago the first series of scientific studies on plant behavioral ecology, which provided clear experimental evidence for the existence of communication channels between plants beyond those recognized and studied by science up until then.
    There is supposedly a plant knowledge that is in and with the plants themselves, never lost, available to those who listen to their songs. For thousands of years, indigenous healers, witchdoctors and shamans around the world have been learning the language of the songs as a way of communicating w/these other-than-human persons and acknowledge them as the guarantors of human existence, the true philanthropists of the world. A relationship built on this premise can only engender a deep sense of gratitude and humbleness that wakens our role as custodians w/a duty of care and respect towards these other being and the vital knowledge they enrich us with.

    • Robert Barricklow on September 10, 2018 at 11:31 am

      The question is why are these diametrically opposed approaches to our cultures “now” being introduced through “their” distribution media centers?

    • Robert Barricklow on September 10, 2018 at 11:33 am

      I’ll grant you
      the zero hedge article is beyond…
      the looney tune pale.

    • Westcoaster on September 10, 2018 at 3:43 pm

      Stevie Wonder is way ahead on this topic and did an entire album about it titled: The Secret Life of Plants!

      • Robert Barricklow on September 10, 2018 at 7:35 pm

        Yes, & one of my favorites. Many fond memories; especially, one where I gave one of his albums as a gift.

  16. basta on September 10, 2018 at 11:26 am

    It’s not education those juvenile detention centers are built for, but indoctrination.

    And this latest assault on common sense and decency by the vanguard legions of cultural Marxist kooks just shows how putrid and twisted their ideology is. These people are totally unmoored and their brains have turned to complete mush — fully a quarter of college students in America are now diagnosed with some mental health issue (and being medicated/sedated by big pharma) and their professors are not far behind.

    Earlier today a college-aged American and his friend were in the metro. He dressed like plea for attention and acted the same way, babbling on flamboyantly and happily and incessantly and loudly for the whole car to hear. You could cut the disdain like a knife. The cultural Marxists have unleashed the id of the marginal and the disturbed and the just plain weird, and now they “celebrate” (read flaunt) their instabilities and obsessions and deviancy, pretending the certifiably unhinged is somehow normal, while the great silent majority bites its tongue.

    • zendogbreath on September 10, 2018 at 10:46 pm


    • mpaff on September 11, 2018 at 1:38 pm

      I concur…

  17. WalkingDead on September 10, 2018 at 10:03 am

    In any sane society, this would earn this “professor” a Darwin Award.

  18. DanaThomas on September 10, 2018 at 9:35 am

    Specious silliness seekers send shivers streaming – salacious shout!
    – parody of “modern verse” 🙂

  19. Sophia on September 10, 2018 at 8:52 am

    According to feminist genderqueer ecosexual theory, trees, including redwoods, cannot give consent, especially not when uprooted and therefore dead.

    This must surely be prosecuted as a clear case of arboreal ecosexual necrophilia, an abhorrent practice which must be rooted out.

    • Bluenose on September 10, 2018 at 6:24 pm

      LOL! 😀

    • Barbara on September 11, 2018 at 9:58 am


  20. Demerara J on September 10, 2018 at 8:17 am

    As a content marketer, this is by far the greatest blog post title ever written! ?

  21. Maria Clarke on September 10, 2018 at 8:04 am

    Brilliant! I loved your commentary!. I am disturbed though by one thing…. Did the tree consent to her attentions? In it’s vulnerability, post storm (a metaphor or a wind?) could the tree give consent? Her invasive attentions were unwarranted, would it not have been better for her to cover the roots with soil and leave the tree to its lamentations and sorrow?

    • Joseph P. Farrell on September 10, 2018 at 8:45 am

      I thought I said that?

      • zendogbreath on September 10, 2018 at 10:45 pm

        you did. we were all still hung up on “gynocracy.” genius. pure genius.

  22. Bluenose on September 10, 2018 at 7:57 am

    Nothing a full frontal lobotomy wouldn’t fix. 🙂

    • Barbara on September 11, 2018 at 10:01 am

      LOL badly!!!

  23. primal_murmur on September 10, 2018 at 5:48 am

    Well… at least a tree will always be hard. Of course the splinterist bigots will object.

    Oh dear, did I just cross a line?

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